Everyone has a reason: When someone behaves in a way you dislike, it is easy to think, "He is a bad person." But behaviour almost always has a story behind it. The rude shopkeeper may have been awake all night with a sick child. The friend who did not reply may be drowning in worry. Seeing the other person's side does not excuse bad behaviour — it explains it, and understanding calms your own anger.
Step into their shoes: A simple habit helps: before you judge, ask, "What might their day have been like?" Imagine the pressure they are under, the news they received, the sleep they lost. Even thirty seconds of imagining their side can change how you speak to them — from cold and sharp to warm and patient.
Understanding is not agreeing: You can understand why someone did something and still disagree with it. A father can understand his teenage son's anger about a new rule and still keep the rule. A wife can understand her husband's stress and still ask him to speak kindly. Understanding opens the door to a better conversation; it does not mean giving in.
Ask about their side: The fastest way to see another person's side is to ask about it. "Help me understand — what happened from your side?" Most people soften at once when they are asked instead of accused. And you often learn something that changes your whole view of the situation.
Example
A customer shouts at the shopkeeper for being slow. The shopkeeper is about to shout back — then he pauses and asks himself, "What might his day have been like?" He answers calmly, "I am sorry for the wait. How can I help you quickly?"
The customer stops. His voice drops. "My son is in hospital," he says. "I am sorry — I am just worried." In one minute, a fight became a moment of human kindness — because the shopkeeper tried to see the other person's side.
Key Terms
- Perspective (نقطۂ نظر / Nuqta-e-Nazar) — the way a situation looks from another person's place
- Point of view (زاویۂ نظر / Zawiya-e-Nazar) — another person's position and what they see from it
- Judgement (فیصلہ / Faisla) — a decision about someone, often made too quickly
- Understanding (سمجھ / Samajh) — seeing why someone did what they did, even when you disagree
Quran or Hadith
Surah Al-Hujurat (49:13): "O mankind, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes that you may know one another." — to be checked.
Fresh diagram to be drawn: Two simple figures standing on opposite sides of a hill, with the words "Same hill, two views" above them, in Project Desk colours.
- Behaviour almost always has a story behind it. Seeing the other person's side explains it and calms your own anger.
- Before you judge, ask, "What might their day have been like?"
- Understanding is not agreeing. You can understand and still disagree — and then have a better conversation.